As excited as I was when my sister first mentioned that she was gonna get married -mostly because I had been drowning myself in wedding shows for two months- I can’t help but hate how close it is.
I am completely unprepared for it, mentally, physically and emotionally.
I’m gonna explain:
Mentally: I have to wear a dress, which includes heels too high for a tomboy like me to wear as if I had been wearing them since before I finished high school. I’m very uncomfortable being “hot” or however you call it when a woman dresses up and men want them. I’m use to being myself and not having to distroy my feet for attention.
Physically: I don’t exactly have weight to lose, I just have balance to gain -back to the high heels thing- and I haven’t worked out in months so I feel like a mess.
Emotionally: The whole family will be there and since I know I’m not in the best of terms with many of them…most of them. I know all the aunts and uncles are just waiting to show off my generations kids (aka, cousins) to see who looks, acts, the best. I also recently discovered that I may end up going alone -given to a few of my last posts I think its pretty obvious.
Every year, to every family gathering, I go date-less. It’s as if the universe were against me showing up with a man by my side.
This whole thing is like the prom/runway kind of event. Even though the attention is suppose to be for my sister, for whatever reason, the family has always tried to make me feel like I’m the crappy one.
-I’d like to consider myself the “Cinderella”, minus the blonde hair, cleaning, and step-family members.
I must work with what I have…and find a date.
I fear that my family must think I’m a lesbian for never showing up or talking about dating a guy (because it’s non of their buisness). I say that they must think that way because a cousin of mine, they always say he’s gay, which he might be, but they never miss a chance to take a swing towards his “gay-ness”.
Whatever the case may be, I, for once in my life, would like to “win” this prom/runway.
Not because I want to please anyone but because I remember that my grandfather was one of the few people who noticed that I was always being compared, no matter how much I tried to hide from being compared. He once glanced at my cousin who was passing by, turned to me and said, “you have to do better”. I knew he knew what was happening, I feel like I must do better.
So in the spirit of my grandfather and a little bit for myself; I jump towards this challange, I may have to hire someone to go with me though, I don’t think I’m charming enough to find someone in 3 months.
Changing Lalilights 